You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
