thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize