Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Shame - the story of my life.
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