i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
