Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
