She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
