You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
