didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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