why didn't you poke me back
I wannas sexs uuuuu
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize