Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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