were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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