arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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