Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
