I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
