hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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