Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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