They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
