soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
