You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
