He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
