i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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