Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize