brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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