STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize