sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
