I wish they made helmets for livers.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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