Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Drunk is not a location!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
