apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
