Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
