The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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