I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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