Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
