i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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