It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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