Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
