You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
