I think i peed on brittanys purse
The best revenge is premature balding
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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