He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
