I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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