THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Vodka?
Forever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So vagazzling was a success
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
