remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize