I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
