and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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