Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
