I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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