is your mom at the bar?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
