i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
