I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
