Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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