i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
