We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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