I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My penis needs a shock collar
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
