UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
