Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
