you turned your livingroom into a bong?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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