man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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