ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
