Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
