i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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