Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
