No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
