We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
