he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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