Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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