You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
