if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
