somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
