3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i need to put some appletini on your dick
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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