in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
