A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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