bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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