He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
