Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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