Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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