I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
