There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
