And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
