i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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