he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
