Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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