im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
