Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize