I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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