puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
