I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
