I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
