my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this just has baby written all over it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
