put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
