Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
