That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize