Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize