Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
