i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
