ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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