So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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