so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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