Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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