My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
