My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize