Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
