soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Panties = found
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