I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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