so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
