nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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