i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
