So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
