and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
