i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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