Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
