I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When are your genitals available?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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