his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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