I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
